The Adventures Of Wrex And Shepard
by The Von'Punches
Summary: The continuing adventures of Wrex and Shepard Von'Punch, Argonian brothers, adventurers, and aspiring celebrities.


'This is it? This is the artefact we had come so far to find?' Shepard said, a mixture of disappointment and annoyance evident in his voice.

'I never expected it to be so...tiny," Wrex Von'Punch muttered softly to his companion, appraising the tiny yet strangely insidious device before them.

'By the Nine Divines, how did we get involved in this mess?'

Wrex smiled coyly at his companion, raising a scaly eyebrow. 'If you hadn't bought that Pillow Talk book in Balmora, we never would have found out about this. I personally blame you.'

'How could I not? We needed something new! We couldn't just do the same thing all the time, you know!''

Shepard thought back to just a few weeks ago. The lives of the two argonian companions had been so much simpler back then, two of them doing errand work for whatever organisations had offers available during the day, and making sweet love during the night.

'Oh don't get me wrong, I'm glad we came all this way for this strange cylinder, but I still don't understand what the point of this exercise was. We never found any instructions for this thing!' Wrex exclaimed, leaning in closer to examine the strange purple device.

'Hey, it seems simple enough to me, probably the exact same procedure as all the other toys like it that we've tried.'

Wrex swiftly spun around to face Shepard, an angry expression on his face. '"Other" toys? What other toys?'

'Oh yeah right, forgot about that whole 'having a hole drilled through your sphincter thing...' muttered a frustrated Shepard.

'Fuck, Wrex! Come on! We'll be remembered as heroes for this! We'll have been the ones who recovered the last known Dwemer artifact! What is wrong with you!'

'Whats wrong with me?' Wrex snapped angriliy, his sharp tongue darting from his lips. 'You know just as well as I do what this...thing, is used for, all the horrors it has committed. Yet you still want to unleash it upon the world once more?'

'It's either that or go back to that shithole where we were regarded as freaks, mutants, and deviants! Do you want that, Wrex! DO YOU!'

Wrex bit his lip, regarding the ancient artifact with a feeling of longing. 'I...guess not...but working in the brothelto pay our bills wasted all that bad was it? You said you enjoyed it when you first met me!'

'Damn it Wrex! Don't you remember when we realised what was really going on! When we finally took notice of the constant looks of contempt, of sheer hatred we were given by everyone there! The employees, the manager, even our fucking customers hated us! Oh sure, we were the most popular there, but that didn't change anything about what they felt about us.'

'Us? You mean how they felt about you! The customers loved me! I was one of the favourite employees, but then you came along and made everything difficult! With you strange ways and your...power..." Wrex said, turning away from Shepard with remorse. 'Why'd you have to make everything change for me?'

'I didn't make anything change for you Wrex. They may not have realised what we were until I had shown up, but you were the one who convinced me to join the business anyway.'

Moving forward to try to comfort Wrex, Shepard said in the softest tone he had managed for quite a while, 'And besides. We're Von'Punches. Other argonians just don't understand our family. That's why we've always sought fame and glory elsewhere, always escaped from The Black Marsh as soon as possible.'

'I had no choice in leaving Black Marsh, you know that. I never asked to be brought here as a slave, but damn it Shepard, I was happy! This running about the continent killing monsters and finding artifacts just isn't for me!' Wrex muttered, gently rubbing a hand across his exposed chest.

Putting his hand on Wrex's shoulder, Shepard let out a confession he had never wanted to say, and hardly ever even thought about.

'It's never been right for me either. I admit it. I enjoyed the time we spent in that brothel, I enjoyed our many experiences with each other under a star-lit night, and I never truly enjoyed any of the things I've been putting us through.'

'But we're Von'Punches. It is our duty to live up to what our fathers believed in and sacrificed themselves for.'

Wrex sighed, and had to admit he saw the truth in Shepard's words. 'I know...we have to make our names known across the land, and archaeology is a good way to do it...but...' Suddenly, Wrex's eyes began to swell with tears, as he gripped Shepard gently in his scaly arms. 'I don't want to lose you to these Dwemer traps and devices!'

'Well, we're almost done here. We've got the device, we know the ways around the traps here. We'll make it out.'

Shepard, letting out a sigh, slid his hand down from Wrex's shoulder to his lower back. 'And Wrex? I promise, this'll be the last time we do this, okay?'

Wrex buried his face into his companions chest and smiled joyfully. 'It would make me so happy to never have to explore these dark ruins again. Come on love, lets get this artifact to somewhere it can do some good, but first...why don't we take a moment to relax in each others company?' Wrex said slyly, staring up into his brothers shining eyes.

Licking his lips, Shepard said longingly 'I thought you would never ask.'

Wrex grinned widely and pounced on his brother, pinning him to the ground. Wrex quickly straddled Shepard and smiled down at him. 'So what position would you like to try today client?'

'Why don't we just see what we end up doing?' Shepard said, teasing Wrex's wetness, stroking around it and fondling his ass.

Wrex shivered in pleasure as he slowly bent down to kiss Shepards lips, enjoying the wetness of his lovers long tongue in his mouth. He moaned softly and stared into his lovers eyes with a joyful smile. Wrex began to gently rub his thighs against Shepards as he began to grow wetter, gently moaning in enjoyment as he did.

Shepard plunged his fingers into Wrex's hole, his own wetness demanding attention at the same time. 'Here's your cue.'

Wrex moved one of his own hands down to his lovers wet hole and began to gently massage it, getting his fingers covered in the moist goo, before thrusting his entire hand into his lovers slit. 'Mrrerr, do you like that Shep?'

'I love you Wrex. I want us to always be together.'

As Wrex continued to penetrate his lover, he bent down and whispered in Shepards ear. 'I know love, and we always will be.'

The two argonian brothers spent at least an hour writhing and making love on the dirty floor of the Dwemer artifact room, the Dwemer artefact and all the associated woes forgotten entirely, when it was finally over the two brothers lay heaving in a pile of their own sweat, naked and pleased beyond belief.

After their exhaustion had been overcome, the two lovers stood up, holding each other in their arms, and promptly began packing up in preparation to leave the ruin, their past conflicts forgotten in the wake of their sensuous love-making.

Picking his armor up from where it had been stowed in an alcove, hiding away the Dwemer artifact inside his backpack as he did so. Shepard coyly said 'Well, we can't forget our equipment. As much as I know you like doing that kind of thing, giving a long dead Dwemer a good look at our junk might not be a good thing in the long run.'

Wrex frowned in indignation at Shepards comment. 'I fight better in the nude! Thats why I only wear that loose robe. I can't help it if my main source of training was wrestling with sweaty Nords under a bed sheet. Besides, after what we just did, its a bit late for that isn't it?'

'Believe it or not, I don't fight better in the nude, besides, we can have these arguments once we're back on the surface. Right now though, we need get out of this place and show the world what the Von'Punches are capable of!'

Wrex smiled wolfishly as he slipped back on his loose fitting robe. 'I could show people what I was capable of just fine back at the brothel.'

Grinning, Shepard let out 'And you know full well I could do that too, brother, arguably even better than you!'

Wrex feigned offense at this and slapped his brother softly on the chest. 'Watch yourself mister, after all, you never could bend your legs over your shoulders like I could.'

'Come on Wrex, you can slap me all you want once we're outside. Get moving before I decide I'll have to carry you out there!'

'If I remember correctly, I was the one doing the carrying when you triggered that spike trap," Wrex said, slapping Shepard playfully on the rear as he passed by towards the exit.

'And I was the one doing the carrying when you were almost killed by that one lone skeleton!' Shepard shouted back as he walked off.

Wrex stopped in his tracks and sighed sadly. 'That wouldn't have happened if I could have just worn a helmet..." He thought to himself as he plodded off after his brother.

And so another tale of Wrex and Shepard has come to a close, but their story is not yet over dear readers. Find out if they make their fame and fortunes in the next episode of 'The Adventures of Wrex and Shepard'.


End file.
